“Don’t kill a rose before it can bloom...”
“Don’t kill a rose before it can bloom.
Fly, baby, fly — out the cocoon.”
-Tyler, The Creator
Did you feel that? The change in the air..? Man I fucking love springtime. I am still a little bit confused about how this year is cruising by so fast, but I’ve been gaining on it. I swear I’m just about to catch-up.
I have a pretty long and consistent history of saying i’m going to do something and then… just, like… not doing it. But that’s one of the things I’ve been working through over the last year. I’m in my “finishing things I start” era. or whatever.
Lately I’ve been working on video content for my new YouTube channel. I forgot how time consuming filming & editing is, but I actually quite enjoy it. & I’m sure i’ll keep getting faster as I develop my own process and my own aesthetic. I just hate announcing things I’m not done with yet because I don’t like being held accountable. Lol. But now that I told you people who read my blog about my youtube plans, I gotta admit that it is motivating me to get it going faster. I guess a little accountability doesn’t hurt too much.
I have been looking through my external harddrive and reviewing all the footage I have recorded of myself and my art over the last 10 years, and it’s been pretty eye-opening. It’s actually such a good feeling to look back and see how I’ve grown. It’s also helping me squash any perfectionist tendencies that are left lurking around inside me. It’s just so stupid to look back and remember how much I beat myself up over perfecting all of my past art projects, just to end up growing my skillset and then hating those same “perfect” pieces a few years later. My best work is always the shit I make when I’m flowing, anyway. Stressing over my art has hardly ever been worth it. It never helps. The only thing that helps is to keep going. Keep creating. Keep sharing. Authenticity + Consistency is the winning combo.
In addition to my new channel, I’ve also been working to complete my A-Z project I started last fall. I announced it in this blog, and I was supposed to be sharing my progress weekly this entire time… but after I shared the first piece I realized I wasn’t feeling ready for that kind of exposure. I chose to do a pretty personal and emotional project, and it kicked up a lot of dust in my head. Idk. I guess I just had to let it settle for a bit. The project is nearing completion now, though. The final piece is due the first week of April, and I’m starting to get really excited to share more about what I’ve created now that it’s almost done.
I think there’s a pretty big but subtle difference between sharing your creations, and creating just to share. My relationship with social media has changed so much… while I was looking over my old makeup work recently, I couldn’t help but realize how little of it was actually for me at the end of my run. I used to make myself sick with stress over the way my photos looked, the way my face looked. Worrying about how many of my followers would like my selfies. Wasting hours of time choosing the “perfect” picture, writing the perfect caption… & I cringe at myself when I look back over most of it now. I’m grateful I pushed myself to grow as an artist, and I am proud of the makeup talent I developed through all my dedication and hardwork in my 20’s… but playing the social media game unfortunately ruined it for me. I left the beauty space feeling overexposed, undervalued, and exhausted.
My relationship with my art and my relationship with myself have both changed a lot since I took a step back, as well. I am able to use my creativity to relax. I find my flowstate easier to access. I made a whole bunch of shitty art with no pressure to show anyone, and I made a whole bunch of beautiful pieces that I am excited to share… but the point is just that I actually started making art again, instead of just making “content”.
I felt like I was falling behind for a long time & I often wondered if I made the right choice when I decided to stop chasing the algorithm, and go back to focusing on my real world… But I can honestly say I don’t regret it at all. Keeping my private life private, finding my own path, and giving myself a chance to grow at my own pace was a huge gift that I didn’t fully appreciate until recently.
facepaint by Dorothy. <3
gif by Haley. :]
I’m choosing to use social media in a different way as I re-approach it; as a tool for documenting my growth, and credibility. As a way to connect. & As a digital portfolio. I don’t need social media for validation in the ways that I used to, but I do still see the value in maintaining an online presence… as long as I can learn to use it in a way that is healthy and beneficial to me.
Anyway—I guess that’s about it for this one… I never really know how to end these things.
Smell ya later.
xo, Haley ᵉMᵖTʸ